10 things you should not do when your child fails

If your child has not done well in school exams, there is a lot that can be done to control the emotional and psychological damage, but there are also other things you should never do or say in such situation.

• Get angry or show your disappointment

Parents need to realize that their child has failed and nothing can be changed about that. You cannot change what has happened, you can only move forward with more realistic expectations and positive support given to your child. If your child gets angry, start a discussion and help them realize that the exam is gone and the only thing that can be done now is to reassess future steps.

• Blame them

Try to be there as an emotional support. Few children go into an exam with the intention of failing, so they didn’t bring this on purpose. You need to understand that there is no point in blaming your child for what has happened. What is needed is a smarter approach which will help your child learn from this experience.

• Compare your child with other children

Never compare them to another child who you think is more successful, smarter or has a positive attitude. This will consequently make your child hold grudges toward their friends or worse, sibling, because they feel inferior. Know that every child’s way of thinking is different.

• Give irrelevant praise

Gushing compliments on your child in times of failure can do more harm than good. Kids who are overpraised become dependent on others for validation and emotional stability. Don’t try to find other activities he is good at or qualities to praise him for. The goal is to re-calibrate their approach to avoid failure.

• “I knew it”

Rectifying your child’s abuse behavior of watching TV or playing is not the best thing to be done now. Don’t tell failure is inevitable because of playing too much video games. Instead, allocate a proper playtime and studying schedule to achieve fair equilibrium.

• The “L” WORD

Labels “Why are you so stupid?” or “How could you be such a loser”. Sometimes kids overhear us talking to others: “She’s my shy one.” Young children believe what they hear without question, even when it’s about themselves.

• Threaten them saying, “Wait Till Daddy Gets Home!”

In this way, you are obliging your spouse to play “Bad Cop”. This familiar parenting cliché is not only another kind of threat, it’s also diluted discipline. To be effective, you have to handle the situation straightaway yourself.

• Order them to suppress their feelings

If they started crying, let them get all the negativity out. Don’t insist that they stop immediately because he is a “grown up man” or “strong woman”. Remember that children cry when they’re in pain, sad or overwhelmed.

• Refuse to engage or withdraw

Your child needs you the most when they fail. Do not withdraw angrily and leave them to their own devising or worse, tell them off in their room.

• Promise to have a talk with their teacher

Children should be held accountable for their actions, and allowing them to fail is one way they can learn how to be accountable for their performance at school and later on in life. That’s how they can deal with adversity in the future.

Do not tell your child that you will solve the situation by asking the teacher to change the grade. This will only push them to be irresponsible. Instead, you can have a private talk with their teacher whenever it is possible to know what can be done to enhance their performance in the future.

Learning to deal with obstacles will help them develop key characteristics that are needed to be successful, such as creative thinking and making the right decisions.